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Hello Jello

by plant 9000

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1.
Hunny 01:03
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hello i hope you feel it without talkin when you're nowhere doin nothin and your hands are dumb and empty and a bird shits in your shoe i love your mean laugh and your big hair and your sweet heart i'm your sweetheart you're my best friend i'm like winter i like fall-in and munny hunny
2.
Going To The Store (To Buy A Radio) 01:39
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3.
Chicken 01:58
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i wanna mind only mine shiners shine in my eye tryers tryin all over the floor oh brother am i a bother in your snake oil saucer stealin candy from the grocery store why don't you come back up mr. wonderful sing a song for the one that you love i was feelin alright i was eyein my rice hangin round for a round of applause i want a place in the space suckers suckin on face fucker says he's got equipment utopians in the bunk ? spare a smoke for the bathrobe guy i don't like chicken i don't like you i don't like chicken i don't like turkey too
4.
Cash Cow 01:29
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whatchya yellin for? whatchya sellin for? whatchya yellin for? whatchya sellin for? whatchya yellin for? whatchya sellin for? whatchya yellin for? huuuuuhhh? you don't have to buy it's a lazy lie you don't have to lie it's a waste of time fuck a pay to play fuck a crooked game fuck you too just another glove milking the cash cow just another smirking bloody mouth
5.
Dream Hole 00:56
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6.
If You Kill My Fish (Replace It) 01:50
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7.
Oatmeal Sinkhole 02:38
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oatmeal sinkhole there ain't nothin wrong with me lighter fluid but it looks like a cup of tea i shelve your books rightly, my liege you sell your drugs that's fine by me hey lemonhead go get your squirt gun meet us outside the walmart later we're gonna show those north side kids what the south side kids are made of see the teenage pretty things not noticin much of anything see the tattooed turkeys and their smoke machines if walkin on a dream gets you dizzy and talkin to yourself gets you bored come on down to the shit show where every night the day was yours oatmeal sinkhole there ain't nothin wrong with me lighter fluid but it tastes like a cup of tea i shelve your books rightly, my liege you sell those hooks that's fine by me!
8.
Cecilia 01:56
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meat mind makin money bags see how i can make a splash beehive makin ? mess brain less brain none at all bird beak paper towel roll polar bear on a ice berg unicycle o baby baby baby selfish shellfish cell phone break ding dong ditch the microwave coaster flavored paintings on the ceiling o cecilia cecilia i feel ya cecilia i hear ya itchin for a brusin baby cruisin with my fishes oh ya buzzin in the backseat past the big windy bridge gas leak there's a darkness in the middle of town oh and how! o baby baby cow owoowowww
9.
Mail Man Song 03:52
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drivin all around drivin through a mountain they got elephant skin wishin mine were that thick apples are like jobs trucks are like whales who brings the mail man mail? guess what chicken butt you cut my hair now i owe you one i toss him a penny say it's for good luck he asks why that is i say cuz i decided who brings the mail man mail? who loves you when you suck? who's gonna miss you when i'm dead? who can't you get out of your heart? singin your song should never feel wrong follow your feet and know there's no place to go
10.
I Love My Little Monkey Boy 04:07
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playin hockey in the driveway you're a righty so i used a righty stick you're so handsome in your school picture in your plaid blue shirt mom is broke and dad's always tired but they still build those huge campfires invite the neighbors laugh til they're cryin and let you stay up late and teach you silly games while your sisters make up handshakes and you laugh cuz they're so dumb and they laugh back at you cuz you farted while you were laughing at them and soon the adults are laughin too you don't like homework and no one likes school and everybody wants to be cool i think you're cooler when you are you-er sorry if that's so corny that it makes you want to gag but you are sweet and you are special even if sometimes you smell really bad i love to brag about you i'd be so sad without you i feel really stupid when i do stupid things that might impact you sorry in advance walking down the secret pathway home the girls are tying vines together they'll be tied here forever and ever you think you hear the bogeyman i say: that's impossible he only comes around here on the third tuesday of every month! you jump and take off and yell: but that's what today is! and so now we're all running through the overgrowth past pinecones and chipmunks and an a/c unit and dry leaves and half a toilet and magazines until we see the street
11.
Grow 04:00
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https://rileymyers.bandcamp.com/track/grow
12.
[Bonus] Traffic Jam 04:54
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about

Like a turd clinging to porcelain, primitive lofi hack PLANT9000 worms the perimeter of Bandcamp eclecticism and prolifically with lamentable desperation.

Since establishing itself with 2017’s i love you so much fun, a pulp confessional of cassette tape oblivion, the Boston-based solo project has transmuted across a graveyard of digital releases in a witless effort to attitudinize quantity as quality. Following last spring’s murky and soulless How about there was a dog named fickly who was so fickly he pooped fickles, and the bloated, largely unlistenable Spinach, a new full-length album titled Hello Jello is set for release on October 31st.

As obnoxiously amateurish as it is hollow and disjointed, Hello Jello is an unsolicited descendant of the imbecilic “antifolk” movement of the 1990s. Lyrical themes and instrumental direction are obvious in their self-righteous attempt at profundity, but ultimately fail to achieve much beyond stinking and belonging underground, not unlike raw, diarrheal sewage.

The album’s pacing is both frenzied and turbulent, with it’s first six tracks clocking in under the two-minute mark and it’s last three accounting for nearly half of the total 31-minute run time. Flat, Sex Bob-Omb wannabe rock meanders into grueling, nightmarish interludes, which eventually fizzle out into a puddle of aerosol cheese ballads. Less an original piece than a two-bit K Records rip off (the likes of which Calvin Johnson himself wouldn’t even bother to steal money from), Hello Jello is a barf bag vacuum of insipid new sincerity, as worthless as it is dangerous.

Stream the unfortunate abomination below, and chalk it up as yet another cheap blow to the equine corpse that is bedroom music.

Official Score: 1.9/10

credits

released October 31, 2019

songs by bill
mastered by bradford krieger @ big nice studios
tracks 2, 3, 4 cowritten by devin
track 11 (grow) originally written and performed by riley myers (rileymyers.bandcamp.com/album/true)
vocals on track 12 by court
album art by ahmad

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plant 9000 Woburn, Massachusetts

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